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 my knees hurt, my butt hurts and my eyes too because i spend so much time sitting in this chair, in front of the pc, even so, i don't do anything about it so today i just sat around doing nothing. i enjoy being active usually but there are times when this happens and i really am more like a ghost than a person, or should i say like an inanimate object, because i guess ghosts get around and spook people and have fun, i mean i would if i were a ghost. or would i really? i wouldn't be able to sit on a chair or surf the net so i guess my ghost ass would just chose to float above the ground in a corner. i lack the motivation to do major things. i can't bring myself to read anything else that isn't a short story, i feel like this made me so dumb and i lost a lot in these past few years, this time in which i could have read, studied and improved myself all in all, has gone to waste and realising now---it's not late but i don't feel like reading something that goes over 50 pages in just one reading session.

 i'm hungry i'm always hungry and i've tried smoking instead of snacking but that just made me sick, so i wonder what the balance is, i'm always worried about balance and i aspire to be balanced, gray, safe, mediocre etc see how balance can lead to being 'just there'? yea me too

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 ok so i'm really happy and excited and relieved tbh bcs my driving test APPARENTLY GOT POSTPONED so i'm gonna take it on wednesday! ohhh gosh i'm so relieved that i have more time to study, i'm gonna do these damn questionnaires 30 times arghhhh. the thing is that i didn't even want to attend the courses and learn how to drive in the first place BUT noW THAT DAD TRICKED ME AND PAYED IN ADVANCE i gotta pass the test on my first try, i don't wanna go through all of this all over again ahhhhhh

 unexpectedly, things are looking up for me (?). i think i'm gonna get sponsored and today i received an order on [ D I S ] so maybe i'll manage to gather some money to visit the bae in the near future, maybe this month. i gotta check my horoscope---oh it's nothing special. however this really feels like a lucky day, i hope my luck won't end that soon---

 i have so many plans and hope i'm gonna at least take care of some haaaahhh i'm worried but excited

 my attempt at cosplay make up also elongating my eye shape (i don't like how my eyes are round and big eugh i want them to be the perfect tsurime) not entirely failed??? i mean i've done worse 

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 this blog needs a disclaimer, i haven't written in english in---tbh i don't think i've ever written in english except for school work so it may be shitty, i may make mistakes and my writing style may be that of a 13 yr old.

 there have been some things troubling me (this blog will either end up being too personal or too shallow and i kinda prefer a mix of both i think) for example i don't think i'm ready to get my drivers' license simply because i haven't studied for the theoretical test, also i'm not very good at driving. you ppl reading this will ofc judge me saying that it's a piece of cake and it is, but when u really DON'T wanna do something, what's your motivation eh? (」ﾟﾛﾟ)｣ my dad tricked me into this by paying the course in advance so what would you expect hehehe.......the minimum effort that i have to put into this.............i will do it after all because i've found a reason, hear me out: if i can drive, i can crash my car into a bridge i don't care i love it ♥ jk, the reason is secret and cheesy

 ok i got really distracted for at least 30 mins lmaoOOoOoO but i'm back and this paragraph is about my daily make up. i don't know how this ended up being my daily make up but the thing started two or three years ago when, whenever i felt tired and drained and shit, i would line my waterline with a red eye pencil and well, it seems that my tiredness expanded on my lower lid as well. can't wait to get my red lenses to REALLY express and grasp the true intensity that is my life. red not because of passion or anger, but because...u know how ur eyes get red if u work too much on your pc? that's my case, only i don't work i just laze around. so, for me, red because my eyes are irritable and i am lazy and too connected all the time. see how easy someone can get misunderstood? i was told that i give a mysterious, interesting and fascinating vibe and yes it is fascinating how just because you only SAW me once you can utter that complete buuuuullshit. i'm nothing, really nothing and these posts will show exactly that.

 ye, you can't really tell it's red